Bermuda Part One: Getting There Is Half The Post

Leaving Cape Liberty in dramatic fashion.

It’s always a clear sign that you have made a lot of excellent choices in your life when a massive car/SUV/Bainbridge-class destroyer pulls into your driveway. Or rather, tries to, but the back end of it is still sticking out so much I needed to move the Subaru up against the gate to give him enough room. But lest you worry that this was some government official here to discreetly ask about my personal records detailing the low-orbit satellites that are encircling my parents home (that’s a different story), this was merely the car service driver to take me, my family, and my parents off to Cape Liberty. There, thanks to the generosity of my parents, the Royal Caribbean cruise awaited, promising adventure, free buffet meals, and hopefully some nice days at sea.

The driver popped out, a very nice man that was just a few inches taller than my 11-year old daughter. I was not, I am happy to say, at all concerned about his need for an extra seat cushion in order to see out over the dashboard.

I was, I am unhappy to say, concerned about his need spend about 65% of the drive to be looking down at his phone (that he was holding in one hand, of course) while driving to check directions, meaning that

A) he only had one hand on the wheel for the first 10 minutes of the trip until we reached the highway, and

B) he was not watching the road as much as you would expect from a hired driver

“But Matt,” I hear you say, “this is the year 2026 of our Lord. Surely there was an in-dash GPS system in that GMC Yukon that he could have used!”

Well, dear readers, there was indeed a touchscreen, yes, but it was not switched on to any GPS map function. Whether this is because the feature itself was busted or because our driver had no clue how to use it, well, that is a mystery left to the ancients. I think the even bigger mystery though is why he didn’t even have a $10 phone mount for the car so he could, well, you know, mount the phone in the cradle and not only have both hands free for the steering wheel, but also have the phone screen elevated so it didn’t look like he was imitating ye olde “Blackberry prayer.”

Fortunately we arrived at the drop-off location without any further fuss aside from some white knuckles. Like when he almost backed up into an oncoming car as we were just pulling out from the driveway.

Oh and one more thing: I kept saying that it was going to be about 2 hours to get over into New Jersey, maybe even 3 if traffic was full of people like our driver, but the person at the car service was insistent that it would only be about an hour. …yeah, um, that total lack of awareness of travel reality (unless you are driving at 3 in the morning) gave me pause but I dismissed it. “Surely,” I said to myself, “that was just a miscommunication and this is not some fly by night outfit where they send us a driver who stares at his phone more than I do when I’m waiting for delivery at a wholesale club.

Oh, and one more one more thing: did I mention that the driver had the car temperature set to 62 degrees? Consider it mentioned. First time in my life I think I ever heard my wife complain about being cold.

Well, despite our driver’s best efforts, we got there in one piece, so I still count it as a big win.

Getting on board these cruise ships is something of an experience. I have had the blessing through sheer luck to have gone on two of these things, and both times, you board through what can best be described as a very large Expo center. It tends to be a large, nondescript building, reminiscent of a warehouse, and as empty as one. They have a series of queue lines set up and a dozen or so of small desks that look like they were set up that morning, staffed by four people and two computers.

At least the process was much faster than an airport: drop off your suitcases in one area, go through an electronic form and sign, scan your passport, and then let some no doubt thoroughly vetted government facial recognition software take a picture of your face. I may have asked what that personal information would be used for and the people behind the counter reassured me that such data would never ever be used without my knowledge cross their heart and hope to die stick a needle in their eye.

Satisfied, I moved on.

By the time we arrived, our cabins were open, but the suitcases wouldn’t be delivered until later, so we dropped off our carry-ons and proceeded to take a little tour of the very big ship. I’ll get into more about the ship layout later, but one thing I will note is that one of my favorite things about the ship is that you are going to get your 10,000 steps in every day, just from walking from your cabin to any of the other places around.

Too bad that is offset by the free buffet and complimentary foods. Oh well.

Leaving the harbor, I caught a dramatic shot of the Statue of Liberty, which I included at the top of the post. And in the far distance, you can see the George Washington Bridge, which you no doubt know from the game Metal Gear Solid 2.

But, of course, you knew that already.